Maybe This Christmas
by xEdwardsGoldsworthyx
Summary: Inspired by the song "Maybe This Christmas". After losing the love of her life on Christmas Clare is just trying to get through the holidays, maybe her and Eli can have one more night of love and passion. **Sorry for the bad summary story is better**
1. Chapter 1

**Hey there! I decided to write a three-shot story for this holiday season. This story is inspired by the song **_**Maybe this Christmas **_**by Shane Dawson. If you haven't heard the song please listen to it, it's beautiful. I will update my other story as soon as I'm done with this one****. The whole story will be told in Eli's POV.**

_ Maybe I'll have a happy holiday, replace my heartache and my pain let's just dance the night away this Christmas will go my way._

"Are you ready to leave?" I asked as I put the last suitcase on the trunk

"Let me check; Sweaters, boots, hygiene products and my amazing boyfriend. I think that's all I need for a weekend with my parents" Clare said as she smiled and gave me a quick kiss on the lips.

"Exited to spend Christmas with your family this year?"

"Absolutely, thanks for doing this for me. I know that Edwards-Martin parties are not your favorite thing but, it means a lot to me"

"Clare its fine I'll have fun besides it will give me a chance to hang out with Jake again, I haven't seen him in a long time"

"I swear sometimes I think you should date him instead of me"

I looked at her and playfully rolled my eyes "Ha funny" I said sarcastically.

Clare and I decided that this year we will be spending the holidays with her family because, since her mother moved to another city she and Clare became a bit distant. Even though Clare was right when she said that Edwards-Martin parties weren't my favorite thing I was more than happy to be doing this for her because I love her that much. Besides this was going to give me the chance to hang out with old friend Jake .I always found it hilarious that even after him and Clare dated for a while things between us weren't awkward at all, I really liked spending time with him he is a very cool person.

"Ma' Lady" I said as I open the car door for her.

"Always a gentleman Mr. Goldsworthy" she giggled

Once we were both in the car I started the engine and drove out the drive way of our little condo. Clare and I have been living together a little after a year no, as soon as I graduated from college we decided that it was time to start our life together , so we found once little apartment with two rooms and one bathroom. Our life right now was perfect.

With my eyes glued to the road I decided to turn on the radio to _The Solid Rock 98. _I heard my father's voice coming out of the car speakers and soon after that my favorite song started playing.

"I see your pattern and I can match it, just trace the lines of-" I sang

"Your paisley jacket" Clare and I sang in unison .We both laughed

"I love you" I whispered.

Clare blushed and looked down at her hands. it was amazing that after all the years that we've been together Clare was still all blushy and giggly when I said I love you.

I looked at her, her eyes still fixed on her lap. "Eli I love-"she looked up at the road and let out the most terrifying scream "Eli look out!"

I suddenly looked up at the road and saw a trailer collide with our small car. I felt when the car started flipping over for what seemed like an eternity, my head hit the car window so hard I immediately felt blood running down my face. I heard Clare screaming, and afterward the noise of glass breaking.

"_So about those naked pictures?" I asked teasing but hopeful _

"_Deleted"_

"_Well I guess I'll just have to settle for the real thing then" I looked into her beautiful blue eyes and saw her smile "I love you"_

"_Forever and always"_

I opened my eyes and realized that I was in a white hospital room laying on a bed. I looked around and found no one. _What happened?_ I thought as I scratched my head, then everything became crystal clear. The accident.

"Clare!" I yelled as I ran out the door looking for the girl with pretty eyes. I ran through an empty hallway until I found my girl sitting in the waiting room. She had a bruise on the top of her head and I few small scratches on her face, she didn't have the same clothes she was wearing at the time of the accident, I looked down at myself and realized that I wasn't injured at all and I was still wearing the same black skinny's with a grey V-neck; It was like nothing had happened to me.

She was sitting down and looking down at her hands, I stood in front of her "Clare" I called but she didn't move. As I walked closer to her she lifted her head she was looking directly at me but, she kept on crying and looked at the floor once again.

"Eli, please be okay" she whispered

"Clare what are you talking about, I'm right here"

She looked up again but it was like she was looking right through me, like she didn't see me standing right there in front of her

"Ms. Edwards" a doctor called as he walked through some glass doors. Clare stood up immediately and rushed over to the man in the white coat. "We did everything we could; the damage on Mr. Goldsworthy was too severe, I'm sorry"

"Clare don't listen to him I'm right here" I yelled frustration and tears in my voice

Clare didn't respond to either of us she just sat on the ground and buried her face in her hands, she sobbed uncontrollably and made the whole room turn their attention to her. I went over to her and bent down next to her and tried to touch her but my fingers went right through her body.

"No. Eli why did you leave me" she sobbed silently

"Clare I didn't leave you I'm right here" I felt tears running down my eyes "I'm right here, I would never leave you. Please look at me"

She stayed on the floor crying. I got up and screamed, I looked around to see if anyone had heard me but all their faces were unresponsive like if I wasn't there.

"Clare? Clare" I heard a familiar voice. I turned around and saw Adam making his way towards us.

"Clare are you okay? How's Eli?" he asked

Silence

"Clare you're scaring me , please answer me" he pleaded

"Eli….Eli…. he's dead" she cried

Adam didn't say anything he just took her into his arm. She wrapped her arms around his waist and cried on his chest, his chin rested on top of her head so she couldn't see the tears that were running down his face. They stayed on the ground holding each other for the longest time. Until Adam said "Let's take you home Clare" his voice calm because he knew he needed to be strong for the both of them.

Before anything else happened I saw them walk out of the hospital, I tried following them but my feet wouldn't move. I just stood there in the middle of the waiting room watching my best friend and the love of my life leave thinking that I was dead.

"Eli" I heard a familiar female voice calling me. I turned around hoping someone could see me but nothing.

I closed my eyes for a second and when I opened them I realized that I was standing in my room. Clare was laying on our bed holding a picture of us. The picture we took the day we moved in together, she sobbed and hugged the picture tighter

"We were supposed to be together forever, you were my everything Eli, why you have to leave me. I'm so empty without you, I need you to hold me" she whispered

I looked at her and made my way to the bed laying next to her, at this point I knew trying to touch her would be pointless so I just laid there next to her trying to hold her hand but failing miserably.

"I love you Eli"

"Forever and always" I replied and closed my eyes hoping that this nightmare would end soon.

**So how you guys like it? Should I continue? If yes please review and tell me what you think.**


	2. Chapter 2

_When I was little I remembered counting the days 'till Christmas, getting up early in the morning and running down stairs to see my presents. Mom and dad would look at me and Darcy and smile. Everything was picture perfect._

_Now everything has changed, I hate this time of the year because it only reminds me that he's not here. It's been a year since Eli died, and to be honest this has been the hardest year of my existence. I think about him every hour, every minute of every day. I haven't been happy since he left; yes I smile in front of my friends and family but that's just to show them that I'm okay. Lies. I'm not okay, I feel broken and empty._

_My mother asked me to spend the holidays with her so I wouldn't have to be alone, but I couldn't. I hate today and I hate every memory this day has. All the happy Christmases I spent by his side and the one when I lost him. I don't want to be around anyone because I feel like I would be bringing them down, like I would ruin their happiness with my grief and sadness. I guess I'm just going to be alone one more day._

_Besides I think I'm going crazy, it took me a hard time to wrap my mind around it but I know Eli is dead yet, I still feel him here. I sometimes feel his company and i swear sometimes I hear him call my name. I'm afraid to talk about this with anyone because I feel like they're going to think I'm insane and try to get me "help". I'm done with the help, all those therapies, doctors and pills are useless. None of that is going to make me happy because none of that is going to bring him back._

_-Clare_

She sighed as and re- read what she just wrote on her journal. I could see a tear or two at the corner of her beautiful blue eyes. I hate it when she feels like this; like she can't be happy. I wish I could hold her and tell her that I'm here for her, but I can't. It's been a year since I've been like this and it sucks; I can see her but she can't see me, I try to hold her but my fingers go right through her skin, I scream but she can't hear me, its hell. I feel useless being here seeing the girl I love hurt and not being able to do anything about it. I just want her to be happy with or without me.

"Eli" I hear a female voice calling me. Every once in a while I hear the same voice calling my name. It's starting to get a little annoying, whoever it is can clearly see me and knows what I am; it would be helpful if she would just talk to me instead of calling me and hiding like some creepy stalker. I sighed and turned my attention back to Clare. She got up from the desk, grabbed the car keys and headed out the door. I followed her and got on the car sitting on the passenger seat.

Clare was driving and decided to turn the radio on. The commercials coming out of the speakers were the only sound in the car. Clare sighed heavily and I just started at her, the blue eyes that used to be filled with joy and happiness now look empty and shallow, the smile that used to as genuine and bright as the sun now looks forced and fake. Every day was the same for Clare, she would go to work put on a fake smile and pretended that everything was fine but then she would come back to the empty apartment that we once shared and cry. I hated to see her cry.

Soon enough the commercials stopped and my favorite song by Dead Hand came on.

"I see your pattern and I can match it-"before another word came out of the singer's mouth Clare turned off the radio with frustration and started crying again.

"Come on Clare you used to love this song" I whispered looking at her.

"Well she's not the same person she was before, now is she Elijah" the female voice said. The way she said my name reminded me of …..

_Buzzz_

_Buzzz_

Clare's phone started ringing interrupting my thoughts.

"Hey Adam" she answered

"Hey uhmm everyone is here and I was just wondering if you were still coming"

"Yeah, I'm already here. Don't worry I won't bail again"

Adam chuckled at the other end of the line "Good".

Next thing I know Clare and I were standing in front of a gravestone

_Elijah Goldsworthy _

_March 27__th__ 1994 – December 25__th__ 2011_

It was scary standing there surrounded by my friends and family knowing that my body was buried 6 feet deep. i saw my dad holding my mother as she cried on his chest, Adam his arms around Clare looking at the red roses that were laying there, Fiona and Imogen holding each other while a few sobs escaped from their mouths.

"Sad isn't it Elijah" the voice called again. "Standing here seeing the people you love cry and not being able to do a damn thing about it. Sucks to be dead"

"Would just stop it!" I yelled "Either show yourself or leave me the fuck alone you stupid bitch!"

I walked away from the crowd, I felt frustration, and anger and sadness hit me all at once. As I walked further into the cemetery all my emotions stopped when I stood in front of a gravestone that had a familiar name on it. I felt my heartbeat-or whatever that was inside of me- stop, I hadn't been here in such a long time I almost forgot she was buried her not that I ever forgot about her.

"Julia" I sighed

"Don't you mean _stupid bitch" _i heard the voice again and then everything became crystal clear. I turned around and found a beautiful 15 year old girl, she looked the same as the last time I saw her. Her hair long black straight hair fell perfectly over her shoulders. Her gorgeous brown eyes looked directly into my green eyes and she smiled, her smile was still pure and innocent. I couldn't help it so I ran up to her and hugged her; she wrapped her arms around my shoulders.

"Oh Jules" I whispered as soon as we pulled away "why didn't you tell me it was you"

"Now where's the fun in that" she teased.

"What are you doing here? What's going on?"

"Like always I'm here to save your ass" I raised my eyebrows at her and she continued " Eli you're dead, I know shocker" she said sarcastically "but you seem to be uhmm _stuck_. There's a line between life and death but somehow you're in the middle."

"I don't understand"

"I was like you when I died. I was stuck because you wouldn't let me go, you kept blaming yourself for my death, refusing to be happy and I couldn't leave you like that"

"I'm sorry" I said interrupting her

She smiled at me "You're forgiven, the point is I was there with you all the time for almost a year until you met her" she glanced at Clare that was still with my family and friends "She gave you hope and you fell in love again and I knew that if I left you would be ok"

Everything around us started spinning and somehow we ended up in Clare's apartment. I heard someone unlock the door and I saw the girl I love walk in throwing her stuff on the living room floor and making her way to what used to be our bedroom. She laid on the bed looking at the ceiling while a couple tears fell from her eyes.

"Clare's not happy; she's looks so sad and empty. The joy and enthusiasm that made me fall for her seems to be gone" I said softly

Julia rubbed my back and said "I know, it's hard to see her like this. The Clare you know and love is still in there it's just going to take some time to bring her back"

We stayed silent for a while which was weird because neither Julia nor me were the silent type.

"She's beautiful Eli, and you guys had something really great I'm glad you found her"

"Thanks Jules" I smirked at her and I swear I saw her blush a little.

"You know after all this time I still thought about you all the time , I always tried to make sure you were safe, I looked out for you"

I chuckled "What are you my Angel or something?"

"If that's what you kids are calling it" we both let out a small laugh "I really missed you Elijah"

"I did too, I never forgot about you, you were one of the most important people in my life"

"I know" Julia and I looked around the house and noticed that there was no Christmas tree or Christmas decorations anywhere the house looked empty and lifeless. I felt disappointed because back in the day Clare used to love Christmas, it was her favorite season and now all of that was ruined because of me.

"I need one more night with her" I said

"What?"

"I need to spend one more night with her, you're my angel you can make it happen"

"Eli I don't think I can-"

"Please Julia, I need this" I pleaded and took another look at Clare "She needs this"

She stood there glanced back and forth between me and Clare; her eyes were filled with pity "Alright" she mumbled "I can make her see you and touch for one night, but just one night Eli!" I nodded "Are you sure you want to this, what if it makes it harder for you to move on?"

"It can't be any harder than this"

"Okay, close your eyes" I did "Open them"

When I did I looked around looking for Julia but she was gone. It was only me and Clare in the room.

"Clare" I called her and she stood up almost immediately.

"Eli" she sighed.

**Okay the next chapter will be the last chapter of the story I really hope you guys like this because it's been really fun for me to write :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Okay I'm sorry for posting this until now. Things have been really crazy with the holidays going on. This is the last chapter and I hope you guys like it. Merry (late) Christmas and Happy New Year!**

"Clare, Can you see me?" I asked desperately.

"No, you're not real" she whispered to herself

"Clare"

"You're dead!" she yelled "You died, you're not here"

I walked over to bed and sat next to her and she didn't move at all. I softly brushed my fingertips against her cheek, I could touch her. I couldn't believe that after all this time I could finally touch her. Clare looked into my eyes and put her hands around my neck before bringing me closer to her and slamming her lips against mine. Our hands were all over each other's bodies. As our kiss deepened I heard her moan softly into my mouth.

Before I could process what was going on I realized that Clare was starting pull my shirt off and touching the bare skin of my stomach, her fingers interlaced with my hair as she began kissing my neck. I couldn't hold back anymore. I laid her down on the bed hovering my body over hers and I began to unbutton her shirt and unhook her bra, soon after that that we were both completely naked.

We were laying next to each other naked and sweaty, Clare had her head on my chest as her fingers traced up and down my stomach. We were both silent, while we were making love Clare and I didn't talk at all except for a few times when we would moan each other's names.

"Am I dead?" asked Clare breaking the silence

"No"

"Am I crazy?"

I chuckled "No"

"Then what's going on"

How was supposed to explain everything to her. I didn't even fully understood what was going on. "Clare you're not dead, you're not crazy I'm just back for tonight"

"Just tonight?" she looked up at me and I could see in her eyes that she was terrified. I nodded. "That's not enough time Eli" she sobbed and I just held her closer to me "That's not enough time, that's not enough time, that's not enough time" she kept repeating that over and over crying harder every time. It made me question if coming back was great idea or what if I just made things harder for her.

"Eli you can't leave me again" she said her voice sounded broken

"I never did" I kissed the top of her head "Clare-

"It's been hell Eli, living without you. I feel empty and sad and guilty" she cried "we were supposed to be forever" she started crying again and this time I joined her.

"I know" I whispered

"This isn't fair, things were not supposed to happen like this" she looked up at me and whipped away a tear that was running down my cheek "I love you Elijah Goldsworthy"

"Not as much as I love you ,Clare Diana Edwards"

We looked into each other's eyes for what seemed like an eternity, but then I remember what I came here for. "Clare I never left you, I've been by your side since the day of the accident and I saw how much you're hurting, and it kills me" I looked down when I realized I chose the wrong words because technically I was already dead "I need you to be move on, I need you to get the life you always wanted, I need you to be happy"

"It's hard without you here" she placed her hand on the left side of my chest "I feel your heartbeat" she looked at my hands and intertwined her fingers with mine "How am I supposed to go on with my life knowing what we had, what we could've had" she sobbed "I don't know if I can"

"Just promise me you'll try" she stood there silently not daring to look into my eyes. "Clare please, just promise"

"I –I promise"

I sighed in relief and kissed her softly on the lips, the kiss was chaste but I didn't care. As long as I get to feel Clare's lips it's okay. I looked around the room and saw the calendar and smirked when I saw what day it was

"Merry Christmas" I said "What would you like today?"

"I have everything I wanted for Christmas laying next to me"

"You're full of cheese Edwards" I teased

"Hey I learned from the best" she responded while smiling at me. For the first time in a year I saw Clare smile and not the typical fake smile like the ones she would give her family, I mean a genuine smile plastered across her face ,and that's when I realized that I did the right thing by coming here tonight.

" I don't want tonight to end" she confessed

"I don't either" I sighed "Clare, I don't want to spend my night crying and being sad, let's just enjoy it as much as we can"

"Agreed"

We spent the rest of the night talking about everything and anything, laughing at old memories. Clare would often giggle when I brought up and embarrassing memory or something like that, and I knew that my Clare was back, yeah being away from her was going to be fucking hard but I knew that if I left Clare would be okay, I guess this is the closure Julia was talking about.

We were back on the bed cuddling, I looked at the clock that read 11:59 pm. I looked down and realized that Clare fell asleep on my chest; I smirked and kissed the top of her head slowly.

"Ready to leave" I looked up and saw Julia standing at the foot of the bed

"No, but I guess I'll never be ready to let her go" I said switching glances between Julia and Clare "Thanks Jules, for everything"

"Hey, I'm just doing a solid for an old friend" she said "Eli she's going to be okay I know that"

"I know, i-I just love her so much"

"I know, don't worry one day you'll see her again and maybe then you can have your forever with Clare"

"I hope you're right" I said looking at my Clare one last time and softly kissing her on the cheek "Let's go"


End file.
